In Which Karth ODs On Misspelled Viagra, Knocks Over Furn1tur3

Spam related to Viagra, Cialis and whatever else puts the Polska back in your Kielbasa, is about as ubiquitous as it gets. So I had to force myself to wait to blog more about it. But I can’t hold it anymore and thus have to fire off another entry.

montageleadin

 

Someone found themselves a thesaurus and dagnabbit, they’re gonna use it!  Still lots of room for ambiguity.  Games for awful adults, like say, Cards Against Humanity?  Awful games made for adults, like Ride To Hell:  Retribution?  Clarify for us, please?

 

montage1

Yeah, they’re getting mileage out of that thesaurus and presumably some sort of form-filling tool so these piles of digital lard appear different.  I do wonder just how far they’ll go in catering to the insecurities of a man with legitimate erectile dysfunction.  What’s next?  Insinuating, using clumsy English, that your partner’ll start cheating on you?

montage2

………

montagereaction

Why, there’s something for everybody here.

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Inbox Saturation

One good thing about getting 60-70+ spam emails a day is the ability to find patterns in it, when multiple emails come from the same spammer (or use the same template). Here are the subjects for four spams I got in a matter of hours. I swear I had one instance where the entire inbox page was filled with the same spam email, but I have this for now. Submitted for your approval:

saturation

Exhibit B:

saturation2

The text for the second one:

07/31/2017

You were recently chosen as a potential candidate to represent your professional community in the new, Professional Organization of Women of Excellence Recognized. The premier networking organization for distinguished professionals.

Once finalized, your listing will share registry space with tens-of-thousands of fellow accomplished individuals across the globe, each representing accomplishment within their own geographical area.

Remember, there is no cost to be included.

To verify your profile and accept the candidacy, please click here : [URL REDACTED]
On behalf of our Committee I salute your achievement and welcome you to our organization.

Best wishes for continued success.

Warm Regards,
Jessica D’Agostino
Membership Division
To unsubscribe please click here [URL REDACTED]

Huh, they only posted the long-ass URL twice. Who do I forward this to?

In Which Karth Allows A Cat To Do His Dirty Work

Is it really necessary to try to talk to a cat verbally? I’m not sure they care enough. If they want something, they’ll find a way to let you know. Still lovable little creatures no less.

catspeak

Also, cut it out with the fake buttons with the over-eager sounding labels. Your product isn’t all that great. I’ve seen toilet brushes I was more excited to buy.

In Which Karth Totally Doesn’t Encourage Readers To Taunt Venomous Spiders

There’s a huge market for “natural” weight loss remedies. Mainly because enough people buy into the craze. Folks, drinking a slurry of cucumber and decorative herbs before bed isn’t going to make you lose fat, unless you spell water and glycogen in a bizarre way.

dinnerdrink

Though I suppose the convulsions from neurotoxic spider venom might help you burn some calories DO NOT ANTAGONIZE VENOMOUS SPIDERS.

In Which Karth Analyzes Scammers’ Administrative Budgets

I’ve seen my share of half-assed attempts to fleece people out of their money or dupe them into downloading viruses, so I was thrilled to see a couple emails drop that perfectly encapsulate what I talk about when I mention these.

you_won

I figure they believe that a good spam filter is one that filters out commonly-used (even in legitimate contexts) words, so substituting numbers isn’t exactly an unusual practice. Still, it shows an absence of professionalism and anyone with two functioning brain cells won’t fall for it.

you_won2

Guess they redirected their budget to a virus attachment and can’t afford writers at all. PS: Don’t google any part of “totes m’goatse.” Take my word for it.